above, the gorgeous leah who makes magical jewelry.
**********

a few readers have recently asked me how to “bare their heart and soul” on their blog. i thought this was a question worth answering publicly so here it goes:

{disclaimer: i know nothing. these are only my experiences. take what you want and ignore what does not fit.}

how can i share all my private feelings without my family and friends and strangers judging me?

you can’t.
you cannot control how others are going to be respond to your writing.
you cannot make anyone understand what you are trying to stay.

your words will be misunderstood by someone.
your words may even offend someone.

but it is not your job to manage any of that.

it is your job, however, to be really really clear on what
you are willing to share and what you are not.

if it is something fresh, or delicately hopeful,
consider how much you want to share.

if it something that is a touchy subject,
consider how much you want to share.

i say this because these are things that
someone at some time could use against you-
and if it is something that may hurt you coming
back at a later time, think about that.

so what can i share?

you can share anything you want.
i don’t want to rain on any parades here.
it is YOUR SPACE.
own it!

i am only suggesting to get clear
on what you are not willing to share.

am i not being honest if i don’t spill all?

fuck no.

NOBODY shares EVERYTHING.
blogging it like 5% of what is really going on.

DON’T

-compare your writing/blog to someone else. ESPECIALLY someone who has been
doing it for years.

-don’t mistake drama for honesty.

-don’t judge or second guess your writing. no one is grading you.

-don’t think of it as high school. there is no cool crowd.
there never really was.

-take any negative comments/feedback personally.
don’t even let it sink it. delete!

DO

-get inspired by other writers and artists

-experiment with different things while you discover
your own style and boundaries

-connect with likeminded artists who will support
and care for you.

-have fun

-forgive yourself if you don’t blog enough, or think you
share too much or share too little or are boring or whatever.
make up your own rules. no apologizing!

-stay open

-write, make mistakes, reach out, play, and please WRITE WRITE WRITE.
its a muscle. the more you work it, the better you get.

other things to keep in mind:

what you share is your business. and no, it is not the same
as someone reading your diary. just because you share
personal bits online, does not mean all your personal life is
up for grabs.

everyone feels insecure about writing/blogging at first.
it never fully goes away, but it does get easier the more
you do it. (i still get nervous at times)

people who share more are in no way better or more “real.”
it is not a competition.
stay away from those who think it is.

share what you want.
know your boundaries.
have fun!

(hope this helps)

from our double trouble series:
me, top.
allison, bottom.

all processing done by allison tyler.
(and for a copy of allisons FABULOUS book go here!)

(above tubingen, germany)

*************

“a good traveler has no fixed plans and is not intent on arriving.” – lao tzu

yes and YES.

i don’t know what comes next.
so lets just look at this pretty new mexico
sky together.

she tiptoed into
him
as not to cause a scare

but it ended up
looking more like a
a motorcycle crash
instead.

a mixed up pile
of broken parts,
no helmets,
a whaling siren and

a few cuts and bruises
here and there-

no one got
out in one piece.

his kisses were like a strong wind
out of nowhere
and she was a girl
in need of a good kiss.

truth be told
it was a welcomed collision

stars spinning like discos balls
and one full bellied moon
had them manically flying
into each other.

{and her friends would say no wonder}

he wore adventure like a teeshirt
and smelled of roadtrips and cigarettes

and pretended to be tough,

while she showed up in a delicate pink and black
lacy slip
with combat boots

and pretended to be tough.

he told her she brought him
back to life
and she listened to his stories,
twirled her fingers in his unruly hair.

it was fierce
and unavoidable.

then it was gone.

and like any accident,
there was no one to blame.

{even though they tried}

but this is not
a sad story.

{so don’t
you fret.}

it is just
an unfinished one.

(above, jen and jack)

the stages of a broken spirit:

sad.
angry.
sad again.
angry again.
really sad.
really really really sad.

sick of being sad.
sick of being mad.

{a shift}

slight movement.
red lipstick.
a dinner party, twinkle lights,
a hookah and some naked body painting.

for a moment being stuck
moves to joy.

and joy wants to be happy again.

then,
the music plays.

and the next step is clear.

its time to dance.

i have wanted to paint words/poetry on people and photograph them for about oh ….8, 9 years now? but i was shy to ask people, and new to photography back then and really, um, who did i think i was to ask folks to strip down and let me make art on their bodies?

(turns out it was not that hard. but more on that later.)

i suppose it started with myself. i had a new friend (cough cough) for a bit and it somehow became our thing to write messages on our bodies and photograph it for each other. it was totally silly, yet lit this creative fire in me that i thought was long gone. not to mention my billion body issues (yes i struggle struggle struggle) seemed to calm down ever so slightly. very slowly i started to see myself in different way. not perfect, not fat or skinny, pretty or ugly, just……me.

(above “tragic” she was here and he was there)

then allison and i started our “double trouble” series.
(allison does all the amazing processing, by the way)

this side by side photo project was hatched from our many hilarious converstaions about love, sex, and all of that that is in between. it was also a unique way to celebrate our friendship (because allison unfortunately lives on the opposite side of the country) and bring light and humor to the sometimes painful but very real issues we women deal with. all of my favorite things began to roll into one-connection, empowerment, humor, words, dress-up, friendship, and creativity.

then friends began to ask me if i would paint them. or if someone was going through a hard break-up i would say, “let me nymph you out on a photoshoot!”

(above, love session with a dear old friend, taken with photobooth on my mac when my card filled up)

(my friend lori who makes the most rad jewelry at lilygirl.)

it turns out that painting people is not so different than painting rocks. except people wiggle a little more and offer me cocktails while i do it.

i feel really inspired and HONORED seeing women step into themselves and have fun with their sexuality instead of beating it to a pulp. i encourage all you out there-you who feels that she lost her something something, you who is sick of comparing…you who wants to express yourself in a new way…just play. think costume and fun jewels. get some bright colored paint and get a friend to come over with a bottle of pink champagne.

don’t wait for the magic to show up.
its never to late to
get out of your comfort zone and see what happens.

i double dog dare ya.
(and send me the pics at mccabe@dancingmermaid.com)

paint on….

affirmation for the day.

and yet i keep forgetting.

we thought
that if we mashed my hurt
with your hurt

they would somehow counteract
each other
and some kind of miracle would it occur.

(it didn’t)

we did, however make
a big bloody mess

and now not we are not friends
anymore.

i wonder if we just maybe
loved the sad holes in each
other
that mirrored our own.

we were comfort.
some may say soul twins
or kindreds

but those just feel like
fancy words
that have nothing to do with us.

i have done way more soul-searching
(there i go again with the fancy words)

more than i would have liked
to.

but then again, i walked into
this fire knowingly.
like i have done before you
and i have done after you.

firewalker
or fucking idiot?

its hard to tell.

(maybe a little of both)

a friend sent me a quote about
sticking to your path

and the heart of the poem
was all about CLAIMING and examining
whatever path you have choosen.

i don’t think this path choose
me,
i choose it.

so yeah.
i like risk.
i like adventure.
i like the art of evolution.

and i can’t think of anything
i would change
if i got to go back in time
and set everything right.

i am a lover.
i choose love.

and i will choose it
again and again.