the ins and outs of being an artist
people usually light up when i tell
them i am an artist.
then they seem to get this childlike expression on their
face like i know something that they don’t.
(i really don’t)
then they tell me that they suck
at art.
and i tell them so do i
and that does not matter.
truth is,
yes, i make a lot of shitty art and things
that don’t work out or sell or whatever.
it is not the most fun experience but
it is part of my decision to put myself out there.
and it comes with the territory.
i also make stuff that doesn’t suck
and teach classes where people sign-up/show-up
and i get to feel good helping people.
probably the most ironic thing about this journey
and documenting it here on this blog is being told
i am (u-hem) brave.
brave is a loaded word.
it gets thrown around a lot in blogland.
with good reason though.
there are a lot of bold, brave, kick-ass people
out there.
i am not saying i am one of them
or not one them.
but i am saying that i think it is ironic
that people may see me as brave when i feel
scared all the time.
i have a lot of doubt and fear and there
are many days where i feel like i made a huge
irreversible mistake and maybe should get a normal
job like everyone else.
i also have the most surreal moments
where i feel like i am exactly where i am
supposed to be and everything will be okay in the end.
its light and dark.
i write this because i know many of you
out there perhaps can relate.
whether you are an artist or not.
(although you know i think we ALL are artists)
you hear a lot about the artists that have “made it”
and it may seem easy for them.
i am often surprised when i hear friends who
are established artists admit insecurities.
i really truly believe with all my heart
that there is room for everyone to create.
whether you want to do it for a living or just
for the joy of it,
there is a place for you.
the world is abundant in opportunity.
there is no lid.
for the times when you struggle or doubt-
i wish i had a piece of advice for you to make
you feel better.
i am still learning myself how to deal
with those times in my artist path that seem
uncertain.
i talk to friends who i trust and can relate.
i walk outside, touch a tree, visit the ocean.
i make some piece of art just for me.
not to give away.
not to sell.
i love what i do and i also
feel scared about it.
i believe in my vision and i still
have doubts.
but i do it anyway,
cross my fingers.
say my prayers.
throw pennies in fountains.
and do the work
to get me there.
the end.














