DancingMermaid

i never understood the mechanics
of the sky
or the moon

or why i thrive in the fog
and often hide from the sun.

i learned to swim in the ocean.

as the story goes, i was about one when my mom took me to the
neighborhood pool for the mommy and me swim class.
the teacher lined up the new mothers on the side of the pool and
instructed they chuck their babies in the water on the count of three.

we were gone by two.
that was my one and only swimming lesson.

my dad started taking me out to the sea daily after that.
the waves scared me.
i was not one of those fearless kids
who threw themselves into the water with wild abandon.

i was taught the dangers of the sea
early on.
i knew all about rip currents

and then there was
that summer that a body washed
up on shore-

i never saw anything but it was on the news and you
could see our cottage in the background.
the woman was on vacation from new jersey.
she had a husband
and two young daughters and they were all there when it happened.

that was the same summer that i was at a friends house
when his parents let me and the other kids go swimming
while all the grown-ups drank margaritas on the deck.

i wondered how long it would take
one of the adults to discover that a kid was missing
while i sat on the beach and counted heads the
whole time.

my relationship
with the sea
will always be complicated

and i don’t know what
it feels like to live away
from it for very long.

maybe i will find new wells,
new sources of life.

i do not know.

brave is just a silly little word.

i am small
and uncertain

curious and
fine,

…still very much looking
for any sign
of life.

44 Comments so far
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i love that you are blogging again.
i wrote another comment but it was an essay, so i’m just going to say thank you instead ~
thank you for sharing.
xo

This is one of my favorite things I have ever read of yours on your blog. What a rich poem! So many symbols, stories woven together. Beautiful.

you will always find life in anything, anyplace you are…. you are so beautiful…. love YOU…. g

you are just divine.

Love this! I too am afraid of the sea yet I love it. I don’t get near it often so I cherish the time when I am there collecting tiniest of seasgells.

I agree with Lucy, I think this might be an all-time favorite of mine too. Your beautiful, poignant words to go with an image that takes my breath away…

oh, this is so me. so cautious. and honestly, i wish i could change. i wish i could just throw myself into the “water” more. i suppose we are meant to be the way we are. <3

one of the best things about life is finding new paths and new beginnings.
wishing all the best on your move!
xo + smiles~ jill

I also have fear of the sea as well as yearning it…
I was very, very afraid to jump of the side so the instructor chucked me in. I was so nervous I then seriously cut my foot when I slipped on the steps getting out. That is not a good memory but I still love jumping in the pool and off the side of boats and wading in the shallows. Being in water is lovely but it is also dangerous depending on various factors such as sea-life and physical strength. Therefore I think it’s natural to go carefully before jumping into the deep as the saying goes you’re ‘testing out the waters’. Good luck and go well x

you my dear are brave for taking the leap to see what is out there. i admire your courage and know you will find something that feeds your heart and soul. xoxo

god, i love you. so so so love you
xoxo

i’m gonna get all lionel richie on you over here, have i told you lately, that i love you? xoxoxo

I love the ocean
yet I cannot swim
and have never lived near it
but still it rejuvenates me
and fills my well
and brings me peace
and clarity….
thank you for your words
I can so relate!

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Very interesting article. It’s funny how history can be twisted in so many different ways. These photos certainly give us clues, but I guess we’ll never know the true story. . . .

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Harry had gone very white. As soon as he found his voice he said, “Blown up? You told me they died in a car crash!”
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The anger faded from Hagrid’s face. He looked suddenly anxious.
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