funny life.

dear friends,

this photo was taken a few weeks ago somewhere in the middle of arizona. it was here that i met a motorcycle gang from italy and ended up joining them for blizzards at the DQ where we talked about travel and living fully and rome and the proper way to make limoncello. (don’t rush it. be patient.) it may have been in that exact moment where i realized:

i love my life again.

let me back up. its been awhile since i have chatted here and if anyone is left reading this (bless your heart and thank you) you must wonder where the hell i went. well, i got in a bit of a rut. and when i get in a rutty rut the last thing i want to do is share or socialize or write or paint.

which is probably what led me straight to the artistic rut to begin with.

hey.
it happens to the best of us.

so what have i been up to these past silent months? i have done some terribly uncomfortable, ungraceful, and what i like to call hide under the covers with a bottle of whiskey till its all over soul-searching and came up with a few new truths:

-i was tired as fuck of trying to “make it” as an artist as my sole income.

-i needed a change of scenery. i needed a change of everything.

it seemed the more i tried to alter or talk myself out of these truths, the more unsettled my spirit became.

so i stayed sort of stuck.

and i started taking on more adventures. one of the places i started adventuring to was albuquerque, new mexico. i had an old friend there to visit. it was dusk when i rolled in and i was immediately smitten with this strange twinkling city and its indigo watercolor sky.

something about the desert maybe?
i can’t tell you what it was or is.

i began making these little trips back and forch across the desert. i met new, interesting people. i somehow landed at a magical little school and will soon have a steady paycheck again. (thank god) i danced in the rain. i made a heart shaped pizza at a party and began feeling inspired again.

there is nothing wrong with southern california. it has been an excellent 10 year run. i did things i never thought i could do and met people i love dearly. (that means you and you and you) i will still sell and make art and teach my own classes and continue to explore new creative terrain.

its like this: sometimes the heart wants something different and it is unexplainable. people with good intentions will try to talk you out of it and the world in general is not here to understand and accept your deepest desires. life is your very own art project. don’t be afraid to start from scratch.

telling you that i never get depressed or stuck is doing you a disservice. i don’t want to bring anyone down, but i don’t want to hide the struggle either because that is where the miracle usually happens.

a friend wrote to me today on this topic, “life is full of fights, xanax, and messy!”

now ain’t that the truth.
the messy and the light.

we need both.
we are both.

and fuck ya’ll-i am moving to new mexico!
more frequent posting to follow…

life sure has a funny way of working out,
huh?

all love,
mac xxx

51 Comments so far
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I so love that no matter what frame of mind you’re in .. you find a creative way to jump start your life .. and have the most amazing adventures on the way .. what a great new place for you and your juicy loving arty self to land.
Continue to create, and of course, B R E A T H E & B E L I E V E always

Hi Mermaid~ I’ve been following you for a while now (ever since I bought an art camp kit from you on etsy), but I don’t think I’ve ever commented. I love your work, and I think you’re so inspirational. I’m so happy that you’re off on this new adventure and that your spirit can soar again, I know what it is to be in a rut! You’re going to do great, good luck to you!!

Yay! Albuquerque needs more mermaids!!!!

I relocated here two years ago for grad school. I don’t get enough adventures around NM but I know they are there for the taking.

Welcome!! And it is not so far from SoCal.

Hi Mac! I have been missing you, wondering where you were, what creative things you were doing. I have been getting a poem a day from Apoemaday.com
Most have been crap! It has made me start writing again. It made me miss your words; your poetry so I stopped by today. I love how you can just pick up and go. You are such a gypsy soul. I have been to Cloudcroft, NM and loved it there. I wish you only the best in your new place. Can’t wait to see what art you come up with from there. Enjoy!

McCabe…I was so excited to see a new post from you. And I just love that you are following your heart and going for it. Good for you! I am so proud of you for making this move and taking this risk and feeling the thrill of life again. I am going to have to come and visit. Sending you lots of love. And sorry but even posting for a while you can’t get rid of me. I keep coming back to check on you. xoxo

Oh,how I envy you being able to pick up and change your life just like that! I so badly need to pull out of my rut and a change of location would do me a lifetime of good…soon it will be my turn. Enjoy your new adventures and I look forward to reading your words again one day.

my dear macabe, boy have i missed your blog posts. i don’t always leave a comment, but i do read them. it’s always so comforting to read your words and say to myself i’m not alone. she has the very same ups and downs and questionable moments just like me. i truly hope someday our paths cross and we can talk. i wish you all the best on your adventures and in life period! many HUGE hugs to you! xo and smiles~ jill

Glad you’re back, I’vemissed your face. Be wild, be crazy, be inspired, just as long as you never stop being you! Can’t wait to hear about naked desert dancing and mermaid howling at the moon!

May you learn many new dances in the desert. May the coyotes teach you some new tricks. May you stay clear of nasty prickly cactus plants…and may you never stop expressing your*self so Authentically! <3

Blessed Be,
VSD

SO glad to see this post…I have missed you too! I don’t comment often but I check on you almost everyday. SO happy to have you back and look forward to following your new adventure!

go, go , go!

I am so happy for you! I wish that I could figure out just where my bliss is…it is eluding me right now. I do know I need a change. Keep on keepin’ on and dance every chance you get!

xoxo
Pat

This sounds like the start of a wonderful new chapter!

Your life is so beautiful, even when you are hiding under the covers.
I am so happy for you and your next chapter!

You’ve no idea how happy this blog post makes me. I like to think I lead a pretty adventure-filled life, but my adventures all start and stop from a fixed point. I envy you the ability to just pick up and go. I know you are going to make this a grand adventure. Sure, it might be hard sometimes but that change is so very worth the hard parts. I can’t wait to visit your cottage in the dessert. Good luck with your move, one-and-only-often-imitated-but-never-duplicated mermie

So nice to see you back! All the best in this new adventure called life.
“When life takes the wind out of your sails, it’s to test you at the oars.” ~Robert Brault

So glad you are back. I kept checking regularly and bam ! here you are today. Enjoy your new adventure in New Mexico

Beautiful Mccabe, just lovely truthful heartfelt bliss about life .. mean’t a lot to read it. Good luck in NM, it’s surely a magical place! ox mwah ox

it is messy. In the middle of that kind of thing right now also, but it feels good when you start to finally go down the right path. Happy you are on a path you like now.

McCabe! You’re shaking things up with an adventure. I love it! Reminds me of one of the painted rocks I have of yours Change is Good. The reason I come here is for your truth whether it be crisp and rumpled. You is you and that is beautiful. Now go click your red cowboy boots heels together and show Albuquerque how Dancing Mermaids do what they do.

I think a move sounds exciting!! Can’t wait to read more…

mac – it was great to have you in my life if only for a brief moment. I know too that depressive ruts suck big time but as you said it’s the only place where truth can be found. And from that we blossom. Go blossom dessert rose. merry we meet and merry we part and merry we meet again. give my love to captain jack!

love you to the moon and back my friend – wherever you are!
xoxo

Congrats on the move to NM; i love the desert too and can’t wait to get back there. I missed your poetry; glad you are back to writing. You put into words some of the really hard things I have been going thru the past 6 months; you are appreciated.

I can see that you are an expert at your field! I am launching a website soon, and your information will be very useful for me.. Thanks for all your help and wishing you all the success in your business.

whoooo whooo – time to whop it up again. can’t wait to hear your adventures in NM!

I thought I would leave my first comment. I dont know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.

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I spend a week in Santa Fe every year….I can’t get New Mexico out of my mind (or heart)….I love it there and bet you will too.

Celebrating you and your move! I went to ABQ, Santa Fe and Taos for the first time in May and fell head over heels in love with it. New Mexico is a powerful place …

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Mccabe, I love New Mexico…..I know what you mean when you say it makes you feel a certain way…there is a lot of heavy magic there. I’m glad that you’re loving your life again….amen, sister!

thank you very much

Now I know why I haven’t seen any cool photography or paintings in awhile. Sometimes ruts become crevasses. Glad to see you’re working your way out. A change of scenery is good. Enjoy NM, if you’re in the Midwest then adventures await.

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we need both.
we are both.

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