the ins and outs of being an artist

people usually light up when i tell
them i am an artist.
then they seem to get this childlike expression on their
face like i know something that they don’t.

(i really don’t)

then they tell me that they suck
at art.

and i tell them so do i
and that does not matter.

truth is,
yes, i make a lot of shitty art and things
that don’t work out or sell or whatever.

it is not the most fun experience but
it is part of my decision to put myself out there.
and it comes with the territory.

i also make stuff that doesn’t suck
and teach classes where people sign-up/show-up
and i get to feel good helping people.

probably the most ironic thing about this journey
and documenting it here on this blog is being told
i am (u-hem) brave.

brave is a loaded word.
it gets thrown around a lot in blogland.
with good reason though.
there are a lot of bold, brave, kick-ass people
out there.

i am not saying i am one of them
or not one them.

but i am saying that i think it is ironic
that people may see me as brave when i feel
scared all the time.

i have a lot of doubt and fear and there
are many days where i feel like i made a huge
irreversible mistake and maybe should get a normal
job like everyone else.

i also have the most surreal moments
where i feel like i am exactly where i am
supposed to be and everything will be okay in the end.

its light and dark.

i write this because i know many of you
out there perhaps can relate.
whether you are an artist or not.
(although you know i think we ALL are artists)

you hear a lot about the artists that have “made it”
and it may seem easy for them.
i am often surprised when i hear friends who
are established artists admit insecurities.

i really truly believe with all my heart
that there is room for everyone to create.
whether you want to do it for a living or just
for the joy of it,
there is a place for you.

the world is abundant in opportunity.
there is no lid.

for the times when you struggle or doubt-
i wish i had a piece of advice for you to make
you feel better.

i am still learning myself how to deal
with those times in my artist path that seem
uncertain.

i talk to friends who i trust and can relate.
i walk outside, touch a tree, visit the ocean.
i make some piece of art just for me.
not to give away.
not to sell.

i love what i do and i also
feel scared about it.
i believe in my vision and i still
have doubts.

but i do it anyway,

cross my fingers.
say my prayers.
throw pennies in fountains.

and do the work
to get me there.

the end.

16 Comments so far

I don’t think you could possibly understand just how much I love you. Sometimes I read your words and for a second I think you must be in my head, writing just for me – and then I remember we’re all the same…and that you have indeed written for me, and for yourself, and for all the rest of us. Because we’re all one, and we’re all artists, and we’re all brave and scared and generous and selfish and everything in between.

Thank you, sweet one, for sending me off to bed with peace in my heart.

Great post. Thank you!

I have people tell me they “can’t draw” or “are not creative” all the time. It makes me sad. It makes me want to sit everybody down with some paint or crayons.

I have a lot of ups and downs as an artist. I’m just now starting to tell people “I am an artist” and I embarrass myself when I do it. I at once know that my creativity is important and wonderful (just like someone else’s) and also feel like what I make sucks and at best I’m a fraud, posing as an “artist.” Oh, the dramas!! But they feel big and real and scary.

Hi. Thank you for putting this into words… I read your blog every now and then and it makes me feel good, the world is a better place then. Moving house these weeks I came across two boxes of crayons and saw a “spot inside me” twinkle by the thought of MAKING something! So, I will. Good or not, it will be colorful, mine and fun to do and therefore the first three words of this sentence are irrelevant. Thank you for sharing…

amen, sista!
i always have to giggle when people mistake me for confident. i’m not confident, i’m scared shitless! but i also allowed what other people think of me or my work to eat me alive and i’m working to get passed that. there is a magic to just getting messy and doing what you love, and maybe that is bravery.

xoxoxo

when your blog pulled up, geni squealed, “is that mccabe???” we all miss you, dearie.

“the world is abundant in opportunity.
there is no lid.”

oh how i love this!!!!

I think being brave is about just getting on with it whatever. People looking on may have more comfy lives and not really get that being brave is not always a choice xx but a case of putting one foot in front of the other xx

love this.
love you.

i had a doctor ask me what i did for a living the other day… for the hell of it i said i was an artist. his eyes lit up and he said. “that is so cool!”. the doctor, who saves peoples lives and makes probably a bajillion dollars thought i was cool.

in some ways it made me feel like a huge fraud, but in another way, it was fun to see him smile like that. i wanted to get him some rocks to paint. ; )

McCabe, you are awesome. You have always been and always will be. E-mail me I want to chat with you about something.

wow!!! big cartwheels after reading this post….thank you so much!!!

it hit home..hit me right where i needed it too.

cheers to you…the artist that you are!!!

xxoo
k

say it, sistah.
love love love this post.
some say that feeling doubt and fear are signs that we are on our path!!!
xoxo

how do you do it? you always seem to write words i need to read. i do become sad though because i wish i had a friend like you everyday to say these things to me. you make me stop and think about myself and i always walk away feeling important. thank you!!
xo and smiles~ jill
nalettejm@yahoo.com

you make incredible work. you are such an inspiring soul and through my eyes you are so very brave. I admire you from afar my dear mermaid warrior.

always be brave! Always put yourself out there… even if you get a little hurt, you learn.

i have been meaning to ask this, but i keep forgetting – you posted a cool image of words beneath your feet awhile back – is that in So Cal? because it looks like such a cool thing to walk upon

hi there,

this sounds sooooo like me!!! I understand and go with what you say. I don’t always have ‘success’ in the classis sense, but doing art gives me such pleasure that that is worth such a lot and I don’t wish to live my life any other way!!!

This is part of the reason too that I am launching the experimental art e-course, as I believe anyone can (and should) access art and their creative selves as it is so healing!

Good luck with your blogging camp too – sounds great, and I would probably do it but it starts the same day as my experimental art e-course!

Is that you in the images for the blog camp?!

Amelia.xx

the reason i ask is that we live in the SF Bay Area, and i have no idea where that is at? but it looks cool – so i wasn’t sure if it was a So Cal place. messages beneath your feet seem so amazing of a way to spend your day walking around

You speak straight to my heart with this one. Without the doubt and fear, would growth be possible?… I don’t know. I’m learning to be ok with where I am, and to be gentle with myself when I am feeling the fear and doubt. And learning to simply celebrate BEing – that is such good stuff I am so grateful for being open to lifes lessons. And so thankful that you share you with us.

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the ins and outs of being an artist

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