i love the idea of warriors-not just mermaid warriors, but a warrior in general-male or female, kid or adult. when i first started teaching my mermaid warrior classes online, i received a little more attention than i was used to and became self conscious. who was i to teach girls how to be warrirors? i am afraid of, um, almost everything. justin brought out a book around that time about real warriors in battle, (i wish i could remember the name) and shared with me a chapter about sheep dogs. it said that some people are sheep~more comfortable following, and some people are sheep dogs~those are the warriors. you would think that the shepherd would be the warrior-but they are not. (although they are leaders, too) they are the ones that like to be up front and center, and often seemingly get the credit. however, when the shit hits the fan, the sheep dogs are the ones that protect and keep everyone together. they don’t do it to get an award or a gold star, they do it because it is in their nature to do so. it is who they were born to be.

that passage had a profound effect on me. i love the idea that any of us can be a warrior if we choose to be. a warrior, to me, is anyone who decides to step up in their own life. i can’t think of anything more inspiring.

so that leads us to my very first interview in this series with miss allison tyler: friend, fellow blogger, photographer, writer, artist, graphic designer, pink pig lover, secret do-gooder, i could go on, but i will let her tell you herself.

1.) allison, please introduce your bad ass self.

Bad ass? Me? Thanks! Love that! My name is Allison Tyler and I like to write stories and make pictures and keep myself amused.

2.) your self portraits are so amazing and unique. what inspires them, and where did you find all those cool costumes?

Awww, thanks so much! I appreciate that! My inspiration comes from everyday life. Your painted rocks, for example, gave me an idea for a self-portrat in a style different from my usual style.

And, today I picked up my “air hostess dress” (a stewardess dress from the 60s) from the tailor and the color of it gave me the idea for a portrait I started working on tonight. I have a lot of vintage clothes and houseware stuff so these tend to find their way into pictures. I love wearing wigs and masks (they enchant and repel me)…I find these in thrift stores or costume shops….sometimes the idea comes first and then I look for the components, and sometimes I see a component and the idea follows. I’m working on three new series; one incorporates my collection of old bathing caps. Those things are hilarious!

Some self portraits/series are happy accidents – like my Hall of Heads series. What I planned to make was a Photoshop manipulation of me as Jeannie from I Dream of Jeannie flying on a magic carpet over a garbage dump, or something like that (these things tend to morph from my original idea). The pictures were not coming out as I hoped…I couldn’t position my body correctly, etc…and when I tried to put the image together, it didn’t work – I remember trying to fit a water-skiing rope in there somewhere, then a horse’s bridle. Huh?

However, I did like one of my portraits in the Jeannie wig, so I cut my head off my body and the Hall of Heads began. Me as Amy Winehouse is my favorite…it’s ridiculous.

3.) when did you write your first story and what was it about?

I was about 4 years old and it was an illustrated story called Willy Walla’s Walk. It was about a Koala Bear who, uh, went for a walk. Snort. Now I write mostly about death, love and sex, not necessarily in that order…which is quite a change from a meandering Koala Bear.

4.) who has influenced you the most creatively?

My creative friends. I am inspired by watching you and my other friends do your own thing, not be part of a herd, be authentic, take chances, change course, overcome obstacles, put their own spin on things. I have friends creating goodness in myriad ways, in mediums from acting to painting to spirituality to nurturing to jewelry-making to photography to writing to cultivating joy to sewing to book making and on and on. They’ve taught me that art is not just something you do with a paint brush or a camera. It’s very encouraging.

5.) your writing spills of boldness and sharp wit. do you ever feel vulnerable or too exposed sharing? if so, what helps you cope?

Gosh, thank you so much. My fictional character’s lives are entwined with my own; they love and hate and have sex and laugh and crave and die and fuck up and sometimes live ever after, although not always happily, because happy is subjective…and that gets foggy and can make me feel too exposed.

I was told in a negative context that my writing is raw and not polished. I took that as a compliment. Not everything needs to shine. I like the tarnished places, they fascinate me. I write about the things that keep me up at night. I write about my fears and losses and joys. I fictionalize, but I don’t hide. To write like that can make one feel exposed and vulnerable because it’s not always pretty and it’s personal in nature, regardless of the fact it’s fiction. And that’s OK. It’s not always comfortable, but it’s OK.

My stories are my babies and, of course, when someone tells you that your baby is ugly and stupid, you might laugh later, but at the moment it’s said, it ain’t so funny. And sometimes my babies ARE ugly and stupid but I think they needed to be birthed for whatever reason, and then I can put them aside and make another. Um, please don’t do that with your real babies!

If you do anything at all in life, even just leaving your house and going to work, you risk being put through someone’s labyrinthine filter, and the results of their interpretation can be painful. But we all do that, filter, to some extent.

Sure, it can be unnerving when someone you’ve never met feels the need to let you know just how much they think you suck, even though they’ve never met you and are basing their determination on the fact they don’t like how you write. It’s not easy to be on the receiving end of someone’s ugly.

As for how I cope with that kind of stuff…sometimes it upsets me, and I let it. I’m human. Then I get over it and continue doing my thing. Laughter heals, and I am blessed to have friends who feel the same way. We just crack each other up and put it all into perspective and get over ourselves and our shit and move on. I’ve been told I do not have an edit button in my writing. That’s not 100% true because oh my gosh, the stuff I DON’T write about and wish I could!

6.) what is something about you that would surprise people?

I am very shy. Group settings scare the hell out of me. I need a lot of alone-time, sometimes to the point of being unhealthy. I’m afraid of clowns. I’m debilitatingly claustrophobic, though after getting stuck in a tiny elevator for two hours a few weeks ago, I think this one is lessening. I worry I’ll end up being homeless and crazy, wearing layers of moth-eaten sweaters and living under a bridge with my three cats. I’d decorate my shopping cart real pretty though…

7.) do you have any projects in the works? please feel free to brag about yourself here.

Oh gosh, bragging is hard, so instead I’ll just say thank you for asking and yes, I have recently compiled a bunch of short stories and poems and photos into a little book named Skotchdopaled (pronounced scotch-doe-pulled), which should be released on December 1st. There’s a corresponding gallery show in the works. If you’d like to keep up-to-date, you can join the Facebook fan page , follow me on Twitter or check in on my website or Flickr. The book’s website is coming soon and will be located here. Gee, I really have to consolidate sites here!

8.) what would you say to a shy artist in training that is just beginning and feeling intimidated?

A shy, artist-in-training? That’s me!

I’d tell them what I tell myself, your stuff is great…compare it to no one. It’s yours. It’s enough. Even if no one else thinks so. If you feel the urge to let it out into the world, do it. The world needs your creations.

You do not need acceptance or praise from outside sources; do not seek it. Sure, it’s nice to have, but as I read in a book (I think) by Don Miguel Ruiz – and I’m probably slaughtering his words here – if you buy into the praise you receive, you’ll buy into the criticism you receive (and I’m not talking about the constructive kind). It’s dangerous to base your self-worth on the opinion of sources outside of yourself. I often need to remind myself of this fact.

Something that has helped incredibly to enable me to do my own work despite my fear that I suck and don’t measure up to others, is to stop reading a lot of the blogs I had been reading. I realized there is a difference between my being inspired by someone’s path; and my comparing myself to my perceived notion of someone’s path, and falling short. The former gives hope; the latter shatters.

The lives we see online are often lacking the rich, fully-faceted existences of the bloggers doing the writing. Those more unsavory things are not always good to share online; or, if they are shared, they are written about in glow-y terms. I no longer keep a ‘personal’ blog, but when I did have one, I was in the process of deciding to end a very unsatisfactory marriage. Did I write about that on my blog? No. My soon-to-be-ex-husband would have sued my ass. Also, did I want to share that information with a bunch of people I don’t know? No, I didn’t. I was barely able to discuss it even with my close friends. And this is how what you read online get skewed, how lives can appear perfect and dreamy.

We all pick and choose what we want to post, what facets we want to showcase and, intentionally or not, the end result is not the full, evocative story of someone’s life…and sometimes, we, the reader, look in and think the dark parts of certain people don’t exist, just because they are not being presented.

Other ways lives online get skewed – sometimes a blogger acquires a large following and that feels good – they don’t want to lose that audience. So their posts may get less and less authentic and more and more in keeping with the tone that helped them acquire their following. Through no fault of their own, a blogger can assume a sort of guru-ish role to their readers. No wonder people can be intimidated. You’ve got this one and that one praising one another up the wazoo; everyone jumps on this bandwagon or that one, and then the next one.

The blog world can feel insular and cliquish, even if parts of it are intended to be supportive and inclusive.

What’s the shy, artist-in-training to do? Join in? Become part of the in-crowd? Do their own thing and risk not being included in the current popular club? Or can they do their own thing AND be included, too? And do they want to be included? What’s so appealing about the in-crowd anyway? Do I need to be part of it to be accepted as a real artist? Will I be able to sell my art if I’m not included in their tribe? Am I real artist if I’m not accepted? If people see the popular crowd doesn’t link to me or talk about me, will the rest of the world think I suck? Must I document everything online? Every time I meet a friend, should I share the experience online so my readers know that I am liked and accepted? Oh my gosh, what if I don’t HAVE any readers? Sounds like high school, right?

Two bits I want to share: There’s a sidewalk artist here in NYC who wrote something I saw on one particularly insecure day that has never left me…(again, paraphrasing)…”Beauty magazines make my girlfriend feel ugly”. I’d add something to that…imagining that any one’s life is better than yours, will make you feel ugly about yourself and prevent you from creating.

And Rumi wrote:

Terrible destruction dances and the world’s days darken.
If you want Supreme Reality, hide from fame.
You’re looking for the Pearl? Plunge, now to the sea’s bottom.
What’s on the shore is only foam.

I love that.

It’s too easy to get caught up in the seemingly glittery lives of other’s, online and off, especially when we are dissatisfied in our own lives, when we’re feeling short-changed or afraid or frustrated with our starts and stops. When we’re not sure of what we want to create or if it’s our best effort. When we feel stuck, it’s easy to project onto others the things we wish we had – we follow their circle, read their words, look at their photographs, read other’s praise of them and we might think we see proof of how supremely happy they are – the magic we think they possess, the lives we think they lead, the great friendships, romantic relationships, beautiful dwellings, endless creativity. We feel excluded. This projecting hurts us and stunts our creativity. It also sends negativity to the person we are fantasizing about, and the world has enough negativity without our adding to it. We don’t know what goes on behind closed doors. And it doesn’t matter. It’s their own business, not ours. Let them have their beautiful lives. Be happy for them. And go create your own.

You simply must not compare yourself to anyone else. Those bauble-y facets of life you see all over the internet DO exist, but not just for a select few; they exist for all of us – we are all blessed in our own ways, lucky in our own ways, magic in our own ways, but I guarantee you that there are other, more dark aspects, the kind I have and you have, that are not being shared online, and rightfully so. The internet can be an unsafe place in many ways – your whole life should not be out there.

But trust that others have their shit, as well as their magic, and you do, too. Use your magic; no one else can.

So I guess (gosh, that was wordy!) my advice would be – don’t compare yourself or your art to others, and don’t believe the hype. Be you. You’re brilliant. And stop reading stuff that makes you feel badly about yourself!

9.) what do you think is the most valuable tool a person can have as an artist?

The ability to get out of your own way and just do your art. This is discipline – I sorely lack it, but I’m learning. Just create. Most of the stuff I create is shit (and I wish I could write longer stories…so far they elude me!), but every now and then I get a gem (at least in MY opinion, and that’s what matters). You can’t always get to the gems right away though. So create the shit and the gems will rise to the surface. As Anne Lamott says, don’t be afraid to write shitty first drafts. I whole-heartedly endorse that. Embrace the shitty! (And supportive friends are a huge asset, too! Thank you, McCabe!!)

thank YOU allison!

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sneak a peek at her book: