DancingMermaid » the art of being where you are at.

the art of being where you are at.

tess_holl

i have been thinking about this a lot lately.
a LOT.

when you are in transition, man oh man can it be hard sometimes to just be with the fear, the uncertainty, the uneasiness of being judged or labeled. these defining choices we make, they are not a cake walk. i don’t know if i have ever felt so exposed and tender as i have these past 4 months.

i thank you peeps who sent me emails regarding my split (and yes, the blog banner will change soon!) and the women who are also going through this transition-i hear ya. you are not alone.

my situation is unique in the fact that we are still friends, and i have not yet moved onto my next mermaid nest, two factors that (some) people find strange. (oh the things i used to judge are so biting me in the ass now) while i do not wish to share the personal details here, i would like to shed some light for others who are going through similar experiences. when you have a space that people visit and read, that is a gift. a gift that i do not take for granted.

so for all you sweetpeas out there that are feeling that pull of change-whether it be a break-up, a new job, a big risk, etc…i want to share with you that it does not have to be scary all the time. it does not have to be ugly. now it is uncomfortable. and not always sexy. but god, is it worth it-to truly listen to the voice deep in your soul that wants to tell a story.

i also wanted to share that this grace in transition (which i am not very graceful at) is most definitely an effort. one big trigger that i have dealt with in this change is the i’m-not-having-any-fun gremlin. because yes, surely everyone is having a big fat party except for me. the thought recently occurred to me that i often wait for fun to come to me… like it is going to knock on my door and say HERE I AM MCCABE, LET THE FUN BEGIN! there are ways that i limit myself in doing what i want, and then i later become resentful-which is ironic because no one is stopping me from anything but me.

the rewriting of my own story is to not put my happiness on hold for some perfect ideal moment. of course yes there are things now that are frustrating-that i want to change-things that are out of my control. my revisions are simple: what do i think i am missing? how can i create some of that energy now? what brings me the most joy? who are the people that i always feel good to be around?

for me, my joy these days is climbing ever so lightly out of my comfort zone when inspired. (and some days it is embracing the comfort zone.) i am in what could be potentially a really unhappy situation-but by making and remaking the choice everyday that happiness is not passive, i have created a new energy in my life that feels empowering. yes i fall down that rabbit hole still, but the time i spend there is becoming less and less, and i see this as a good sign. (especially for someone who used to stay there for days sometimes weeks)

my life looks nothing like i thought it would at 35, and in the same sense it is more beautiful and mysterious than i could have ever imagined. maybe it is more about looking at what you have rather than what you think you should have.

life seems too short to play it safe.
i would rather be scared and dancing.

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Thank you for this, I’m further along in this transitional space than you, but my heart is still tender and your words still ring true and inspire greatly.

Thank you
Jeanette

thank you so much for this. It is so nice to know that we are not alone in this journey. your words are inspiring and seem to say exactly how I am feeling! thank you, Monique

then….BOO!!! and turn up the music and dance, dance, dance!!! loving you sweet mermaid, Me

i am so grateful that you do share so much, it is so beautiful to witness. transitions are such a powerful and beautiful time. at the same time, one way i love to think of it (something i heard at an amazing integration workshop) is like doing a load of laundry. it’s all dirty. you throw the clothes in and turn the machine on. if you open up the lid halfway through, when all of the dirt has lifted from the clothes and is right up on top there, it’s like EEEEWWWWWWW. it does look messier before it gets cleaner. but trust the process. the rinse is coming. open it up when it’s done and the clothes are clean and beautiful and fresh.

i am feeling so much power in my break-up right now, by lightening up and taking responsibility for my part. it’s silly and amazing and horrifying to really notice all the ways that i was wanting him to rescue me. i didn’t know i needed rescueing but there is this little part in me that does, and she starts to speak very loudly in these situations. so i am feeling grateful for the opportunity to be with that part of me, and find out what she really wants.

blessings all around.

its the grasping onto the the sides
while im fAlling D0wn the ‘rabbithole’
that makes me c r a z y;
thanks for this timely reminder love ~

Oh my goodness! Yes!!! Soul sister – I totally hear you! I’m going through the exact same thing you are and Thank you so much for addressing the fact that break-ups don’t have to be fraught with acrimony and trauma. I’m doing my best to respect my ex with as much kindness and consideration as we did coming into the relationship. It seems that everyone has an opinion! Seems like we are on the same page –
http://inspiredcanoe.wordpress.com/2009/08/01/mis-adventures-in-blogland/

You’ve described what I’ve often felt…’scared and dancing’. I love it! It sometimes feels wrong and hard to do what gives me great joy, but I woudn’t have it any other way.

May your journey be filled with all that you are embracing.

i love that you were able to come here and write the words.
they are flowing so beautifully.

and i get it.
i truly do.

“there are ways that i limit myself in doing what i want, and then i later become resentful-which is ironic because no one is stopping me from anything but me.”

oh. my. DITTO.

so much for me to relate to this in this post… so much emotion to share… so much of experience… the fear, the shame, the hurt, the feelings of failure…

and also the hope and the promise of new doors opening…

so much rawness, so much inspiration… all coexisting side by side… making the heart an even deeper, more dimensional place… and being good with whatever each day brings… wherever you’re at…

i’m so glad i clicked through to meet you here…

[...] 11 August 2009 “there are ways that i limit myself in doing what i want, and then i later become resentful-which is ironic because no one is stopping me from anything but me.” – dancingmermaid [...]

Scared and dancing. Sigh, so Lovely

I always enjoy visiting you for a perspective I hadn’t naturally considered… Since catching up with your blog last week the way I’ve thought about some things has shifted and I’m sure this one will effect me also, once I’ve had a few days for it to sink in. I’ve always been one who has loved change and I push for it too, but right now (stuck in unemployment *sigh*) I am starting to look toward what I can do with this time I now find myself with… I like how you end by saying that your life has turned out, in essence, better than you could have imagined
Wishing you well as always.
x e.

Be where you’re at… it seems I need constant reminder of that in good times and bad.

…thinking, and thinking, and thinking about what you have said here…an odd time for me…so scared on so many levels. even giving up my old comfort in a wine glass because I feel it’s a crucial time for me to be very, very clear. I sit here and think “i wish i had the luxury of being scared and dancing, but I have to play it safe” and then I realize that I’m scared no matter what, so what the hell, turn up the music! There’s a Chinese proverb that says “We are fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance.”

my best advice lately came in an email from my incredibly loving acupuncturist when he said, regarding fear
“then i sit….
then i breathe…..
and it goes a way, a bit quicker, a bit sooner….it returns a bit later, and it returns with less force….”

Thanks once more, beautiful mermaid, for your words, your vulnerablilty and your incredible spirit.

Blessings to you!

Hi, over here from GypsyAlex. She referred me, and I”m so glad she did. I love the work you do with the kids, the way you write, the love you capture in your photo’s…
I know this was a difficult post to write but sounds like you helped so many.
I’ll be subcribing.
Have a great weekend
brian

[...] shoots videos to capture the magic. She also writes great, inspirational pieces. I really like this post, “the art of being where you are [...]

“life seems too short to play it safe.
i would rather be scared and dancing”

beautiful!!

I have left 6 of your blogs unread so that I could go back and savor your words over and over again. I feel like I have been in a state of transition for about 4 years now, so long in fact I hardly remember the girl I was before or a time when I didn’t feel like I was in the midst of metamorphosis. You delight and inspire me. Your fearless acknowledgement of who you are and where you are at makes my heart sing. I wish you all the best during this time in your life. I hope that the shift bring you closer to where you want to be and that no matter what happens, you keep on dancing.

i cried.
and then smiled with content knowing i was once here but have jumped over.
youre truly inspiring

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the art of being where you are at.

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