DancingMermaid » tiptoeing in to admit…

tiptoeing in to admit…

mac

i have not been writing much
because i don’t even know where to start.

i have no idea where my camera charger is
or why my video files won’t transfer to my hard drive.

i owe about a dozen emails,
more than a few phone calls,
and should probably break out a brush one of
these mornings.

life can be some messy business sometimes,
and for a girl that likes to keep it neat that can
be a challenge.

i really want to start living my life like i teach my
art classes:

go outside the lines.
don’t judge anything until its finished.
move towards what feels right
rather than what feels easy.
make a mess.
don’t be afraid to get dirty.
experiment.
play.
use pain as a tool to create.

i never know what a painting or a story is going
be at the end….
i just let the source flow through me and wait for
the magic to happen.

really the only way i can create anything is to
turn off all the voices and outside influences so
that i can hear the message clearly.

for some reason i forget to do this in real life.
i fill minutes and weeks up with worry so i don’t
have to look at how i actually feel in the moment.

i am wondering what it feels like to be in the
mess while remaining safe and present.
i am thinking that perhaps i can learn to be okay
with not being okay.

having a sweet little world all carefully packaged
nice with matching bows seems awfully tempting,
but at what price does that gift come with?

i choose adventure this time around.
i choose stretching beyond what feels
comfortable.

i choose feeling uncomfortable going where
i want to be
verses feeling uncomfortable where i am at.

because really, either way,
i am going to be uncomfortable….

24 Comments so far
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WOW
“I fill minutes and weeks up with worry so I don’t have to actually look at how I feel in the moment” and the fact that you said ” because really, either way I am going to be uncomfortable”.
Wow.
Thank you for that honesty and pure heart. Ever wonder what it would be like to walk through this life as a witness ONLY? (i think it would be clean and really empty)
on a night I can’t sleep because I am having similar (though not identical) battles, I thank you for your words.

to hell with “neat”…lets be ourselves which is “neato”!
xo

So good to see you tiptoeing in with camera in hand (I think we have the same strap! I feel pretty happy about that!)

I always remember the phrase “you gotta break down, before you break through.” Yeah, I’ve been living in a kind of internal chaos that is both frightening and exhilarating. Your words hit home for me … I hope you are finding a way to relax into your feelings as you know, like the weather, they will change! Don’t fight what is … just float with it.

Missing your magic here, but I know you are incubating some pretty amazing stuff. See? You don’t need to feel confident right now, we will carry that for you until you are ready!

If you get a chance, come over to my new blog (!) and see the fairy dust you kicked up!

Good for you! Life is messy, and sometimes scary, and often uncomfortable. Why can’t it be all those things and beautiful, too? Enjoy your beautiful, scary, uncomfortable messes. Go for it. You are so real.

I love this post. I sometimes feel the same way.. wanting to live my truth what I believe all the time. Thanks for the reminder.

Kate

I needed to read this today. Thank you.

Well said… My girls are currently participating in your mini-mermaid camp and they keep reminding me of the concepts you are speaking of… “Mom – it is ok to make a mess… Mom – it is ok to make mistakes…” I think the trick is learning to be comfortable being uncomfortable. Thanks for the honest and inspiring words

Maybe what we think is uncomfortable is just our own inability to recognize comfort? Maybe the art of life is really just being that any way we are works because that is the way we are and we can only be ourselves. If we can accept ourselves just as we are then in the next moment we might be free to be ourselves again. What do you think?

yayyyy
for
uncomfortable
adventures

I use to interpret my desire like something very “pushy” Sometimes I am involved in things I like a lot, and it is not the circumstace what move me to stress, it is my own desire -hidden in the dark- pushing me. I live in a ver intense way. Sometimes I am more intense of what I can tolerate. It is may particular way: I love it even wen I hate it. I love your particular way too. And, by the way: you are a great photographer!!

Its time to brek on through to the other side baby. U can try to run, try to hide, but sometimes U just gotta break on through to the other side. Youre safe. Go for it! ps. feelin a little Jim Morrison-ish today – can u tell? U R Loved

hey mac- i know this will come across as all “shallow pants” when you have written such lovely and inspired words::: that skirt is kick ass. did you make it?? i think it is one of the blessings since i started costuming, i can’t help but notice peoples clothes.
( I love this post by the way. i know i wouldn’t trade my messy, oh-not-neat-at-all-life for anything. it is MY journey and I embrace it. mess and all! even though, i will admit, it can be challenging at moments.
wish i was their so we could drink chianti and talk about boys! that sounds fun right at this moment. *wink*

What a great list! How I wish I could turn back the hands of time and be a memeber of your camp! I wrote down you list and I plan to post it everywhere!

Here’s to living outside the lines!

Thanks again and again!
M

beautifully said…xoxo

I’m glad you choose messy, mi Amor, you’ve chosen well…

(((HUGS))),
Love,
Me

i don’t care how messy you are — i’m just glad you’re checking in…and i always enjoy your words and vision…i have been imagining my fantasy creative retreat and you are tops on the list along with two other faves (who also commented here …

Messy is good. It means we’re actually LIVING life rather than conforming and floating through.

I love this! Sometimes I find myself in this very spot, and it’s so nice to read that someone else experiences it too.

oh dear, dear, dear! i barely scraped myself off the couch to check my computer tonight! not good. i am sooooo freaking overwhelmed by the MESS & the CHAOS that i seriously, can NOT see straight!
come over for a beer!
LOVE.
e

So hard to choose to be uncomfortable, even though you’re right about being uncomfortable either way. I applaud you for being brave enough to choose it willingly.

I miss your face…
Miss your heart…
With Love,
Jess

You speak to my heart.

oh you are gorgeous! the skirt looks perfect for you
sending you love
xx

honestly?
i just love you.

Thank you.

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tiptoeing in to admit…

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