DancingMermaid » loving the mess

loving the mess

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one of the things i try to inspire the most in my art classes is being messy. it is such a natural thing for a kid to want to get messy…and yet you would be surprised at how many of them resist it. they don’t want to get their hands dirty, or paint on their smocks or toes or noses. informing them that this will all wash off in the tub is not a comfort to everyone. it cracks me up.

it totally makes sense though. we are taught to keep things tidy and in order: stay in the lines. follow directions. make your bed. set the table correctly. life does need some kind of order to function properly, but it also needs a space to let loose in. where else can we put these feelings that don’t have neat little compartments yet?

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i have been closely examining my own messiness lately… the parts that don’t get expressed, that get pushed down deep in my belly until i have a tummy ache or an anxiety attack. like many kids, i was raised in the school of keep it all together and organized or all hell is gonna break loose. the mess symbolized havoc, chaos, and even weakness. make it look pretty on the outside and all will be well.

ah, but the body knows better. a friend recently shared a beautiful quote with me, “the body screams what the mouth won’t utter.” oh how i have learned this the hard way.

these past couple of weeks i have been allowing the mess to surface. it began with a little book of mixed media and poetry i started one afternoon. layer over layer i laid paint, words, photos, old postcards, movie ticket stubs, handwritten letters, anything interesting with meaning i could throw in the mix. i emptied my heart until the truth came spilling out. when there was nothing left to say the page was done, and i was ready to move onto the next page. my heart started to feel better. a shift was occurring.

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why does the mess need to be ugly? why does change have to mean pain? of course these feelings are part of the process…but the magic is also deeply weaved in this energy too. i have never felt more surrounded by magic in my life. its in the mess, wedged in between the truth and desire. it wants to BREATHE. have a life of its own. shake things up and rock your world. (no pun intended)

i have come to realize that this growth+messiness is necessary for me to continue the work that i do. how can i teach little girls to be in their power and be true to themselves if i am not doing the same? for my body to be in aliment with my core belief system and harmonious with the energy around me, i need to walk the walk not just talk the talk. you can’t teach what you are not practicing or it will not have the same magic.

i write this in hope of support and love from my dear readers…and also to reach out to anyone who may be going through some life changes themselves. there is power in numbers, and if anyone out there needs a little extra something something, please use this forum as a safe space to rest. i will hold your messiness ever so gently.

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What an incredible post! I was thinking about this yesterday, and cooked up a cockamayme plan of taking my children outside one nice day, spreading out a large sheet of paper or an old bedsheet, and letting them go to town with paint. Not just with brushes, but using their body. Hands, feet, elbows, knees – whatever. I think it would be most therapeutic, actually. They are always told to clean up their mess, don’t spill, pick up their toys, blah blah blah…I think they’d love the opportunity to breathe and let go, to embrace the mess and to get jiggy with it.

I find myself inspecting my life, when I plan something like this – how strange it is that I have to contrive a time and space for them to have wild, unhindered fun. What is it about me that is so uptight, I must create a designated fun place, away from our living space? Why can’t i let go of needing things in their place, of constantly tidying, needing order? I should do an experiment of NOT cleaning, of just living in the chaos and disorder, and see what transpires. Maybe I’ll freak out and run screaming from the house. Maybe I’ll sit in a corner and snarl. Or, maybe I’ll learn how to embrace it all, and perhaps find a lovely pattern within the disorder, one of breathing, letting go, losing myself in the moment. It might be the best thing to happen for me in awhile.

As I read your words, I am thinking 2 things are going on (for me) … one, yes letting ourselves be messy, abandon rules or notions of propriety and just let it all bubble forth. It is liberating, creative, alive and real and also, very scary. Abandon the rules? Where do I go? Who do I listen to? Oh … that still, small voice within? I have to learn to hear it and trust it?! Gulp, yeah. That is tough in our culture. Trust yourself. Listen to you. Care for yourself first … swimming against the current but the only way to live.

On a practical level, I need to allow more space for play and its ensuing messiness, but I also know my personality is such that I need clarity, I need tidy to allow my mind to dive deeper within. Otherwise, I am distracted. So striking that balance is my eternal struggle.

I was also thinking about the internal messiness when one is undergoing change or transformation. And I am reminded of an explanation in a parenting book about a child’s process of development. That when they are in the throes of moving into a new stage, a new mastery of a skill (crawling, walking, talking etc.) there is this period of total breakdown. They have a sense of where they want to head, but lack skills to get there. So there is frustration as they move through learning until they breakthrough to the next stage. I am realizing this process is no different for us adults. I vaguely sense the direction I want to move, am gathering up new skills, new ways of being and internally I feel blown apart, confused and chaotic. But I am thinking it is okay to feel that way because now I see it is a sign of my moving towards a breakthrough.

Okay, are you holding this mess of my internal dialogue? Thank you mermaid! I just had my Ah Ha moment here on your blog

I love a “glorious mess!” Over the years I’ve learned that if my life starts getting out of control, my journal gets very neat and orderly. If my life is more or less under control, my journal gets wonderfully messy. So, no matter what I wrote, you can figure out how I was really feeling.

Oh how I need a safe place to rest. I know that I am far too afraid to color outside of the lines right now though, for fear if I go beyond the edge I will fall over it. Still your words remind me that even in all of my messiness, I am not alone.

I hope that you are being as gentle with yourself as you are with our pieces.

Thank you for this! xoxo, ~ M.

oh my beautiful messy mama!!! you speak my language girl! i am sitting here, with a pile of cashew shells under my left elbow, to do lists under my right elbow…cd’s, dvds, earrings, cereal, magazines, cards, paintbrushes, scissors, lunch bags, empty gatorade bottle, magnifying glass, my cupcake bikini top…just to name a FEW!!! Yes~ this is my kitchen table! Imagine what all the rest looks like?!?! i KNOW that it’s ok~ but, i STILL struggle with the feeling that “i should be cleaning. my house should be cleaner….”
BLAH! it just doesn’t matter~ does it? we need to do what we FEEL~ not what we THINK we SHOULD~ eh?
you are freaking fabulous & i love your guts!!!
peace.love.&cupcakes!
e.

anxiety attack
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[...] one of the things i try to inspire the most in my art classes is being messy. it is such a natural thing for a kid to want to get messyand yet you would be surprised at how many of them resist it. they dont want to get their hands dirty, or paint…

i do rest in this.
and i think the mess is beautiful.
i think YOU are beautiful.

thank you for creating this space of truth and acceptance.
such comfort.

My Dearest Mermaid,

Thank you for being so brave and willing to shine the light into the cobwebby corners for all of us. I’m finding that the process of growing ones awareness carries it’s own dangers…when you begin to recognize the negative voices in your head for what they are there is a tendency to use that awareness as yet another club to beat yourself with…”oh my God, I’m doing it again, why can’t I just be kind to myself, what’s wrong with me?!”. I’m trying to learn to hold ALL of me (voices included) in a space of love and acceptance. It is indeed a messy process:)

I came across this writing by Rumi the other day. It made me think of you. I was going to e-mail it to save the long comment on your blog but this seems like the perfect place for it today. Forgive me for taking up so much room!

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crow of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

oops…supposed to be a “crowd of sorrows”

Dear Messy Mermaid,
You are not alone.
Love,
Messy Angie

Hey sweetie…
Holding the messiness gently…what a brilliant thought.
Leave it to you to come up with messy brilliance.

Just recently stumbled across this blog. I needed (and will continue to need) to hear this. I have a quote I keep in a frame that says “A house unswept is better than a life unlived”. It is difficult to find the space where I can live the “unswept” life without judging myself. We (women in particular) are taught to believe that our worthiness is tied to how well we keep our space – how pretty, how neat. I want to let go of these things and let go of the knot in my stomach.
Thank you.
I’ll be back.

yayyyy on m e s s

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loving the mess

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