DancingMermaid » dearest 2008….

dearest 2008….

dear 2008,

i choose this picture to go with this letter not because it is a great photo-it is out of focus, the lawn has ugly straw covered patches, my face is cut off….but none the less, its fitting because i am free and happy. i want to have more moments like this. i want to start feeling like this everyday.

*
but one step at a time. 2008, i must confess that i have been angry with you.Â you jam packed the year with lessons, painful lessons…and you forced me to go to the the places i would rather avoid. a bit dramatic yes, but if we are going to get into it i might as well be as honest here. you kinda sucked ass.

*
this is not to say there were not blessings or good bits. i am in a relationship that is equal, loving, and healthy. this is a first. i found out i can teach and move people and help them to be creative. and then there are the children, my sweet, beautiful soul children. too many to count. and the friends that are dear and thoughtful. i am thankful for that.

*
you see though, if i want anything to change, i have to admit what is not working. not being healthy is not working. alright you are not completely to blame, you did not hold a gun to my head and force me to eat that starchy bowl of oily pasta and gummy bears instead of the brown rice and vegetables that are better for my tummy. in a way i have abandoned my physical self, forgot who she was, forgot to take her on walks and runs on the beach and bike rides and yoga classes. i have almost given up the notion that anything can improve, and worked from that place. this is not a place that i care to stay anymore.

*
i realize now that you have tried to tell me many times to stop doing everything backwards. trying to manifest more classes and workshops and helping those who need help and keeping up with the blog and the shop and wanting to expand and make bigger art, write more important words, wanting to make connections and saying yes when i mean no. much of this has ended in broken promises and disappointment. i get it now-if you are not taking care of yourself, none of these things are truly authentic. while many of them added joy and soulfulness to my quality of living, i would like to start giving again when there is enough for me. open up my second chakra, master the art of loving and nurturing myself… instead of waiting for someone to validate me or invite me to some gathering that is going to somehow make everything okay. only i can heal me.

*
francesca wrote (and thank you so much for her, by the way) in one of her books, “sometimes it takes grief to wake someone up. but it must be grief mixed with hope, otherwise the grief will put you to sleep forever.” i cried when i read that. how truly awake i am now, how painfully aware i have become. it is not like when i was on meds and i felt disconnected from the grief and joy….all of us floating on different apathetic clouds. now we are all weaved together in oneÂ tangled, complicated, rather fucked up spider web. but at least we are no longer separate. when rebecca showed me her art journal page that read in her innocent, 7 year old handwriting: “i dedikat this to maccabe” my heart exploded into a 100 shades of goodness.Â the dark moments make moments like that worth it. there cannot be one without the other.

*
and francesca was right, there needs to be hope or the grief will pull you under. there is hope all around me-in the cherub faces of my students and art supplies and good books. hope is what i write on rocks, write in poetry, scribble on post-its while i chat on the phone. it can not be a coincidence that you plopped me here, right in the middle of my own magic cottage surrounded by a white picket fence with baby pink roses that are almost always in bloom. the cottage where a 1920s movie star used to live…a starlet now a gentle spirit protecting all who stay here-this powerful space of land by the sea. hurt animals continue to wander in from nowhere, especially our cottage. (when blue stayed here, he laid by my front door while i was out, even though there was a huge yard for him to play in.) they feel it too. the wind is strong enough that it carries the ocean sounds into our bedroom at night. we fall asleep to crashing waves, a real mermaid cottage. no, this cannot be random. i was summoned here. my body needs to stop rejecting it.

*
so this is it, 2008. no more. i have big plans for 2009. 9 is my favorite number so that must be a good sign. this is the year that i nurture myself and start loving me properly. as grateful as i am for the lessons and the healings, i am ready to reclaim the things i lost.Â i need to move on. there is beautiful work i want to do, and i must stop giving what i don’t have.

*
please pass the word onto 2009. self love is my mantra this year. after that, i can love the world. or at least make a happy dent in it.

************
feel free to borrow this format for your own blog or journal, or write your own note in the comments section.

33 Comments so far
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Wow. Thank you, McCabe. That was beautiful. I say ‘amen’ to it for you.

You first.

love, love, love.
happy holidays, my friend.
i’m so excited for 2009
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

YOU are #1. Thank you for sharing ~
xo

wow.
beautiful.

love you
xox

hope! how much i need to hear it.

Beautiful inspiring writing my dear! I connect so deeply with many of the things you say. Thank you so much for sharing this with all of us out here, who also needed to here that someone else goes through some of the same thngs they do. You are one inspring mermaid!!

tears*

love. admiration. connection. understanding.

love,
love myself first, then loving you (teehee!) xx

I feel a bit intrusive having just recently joined as one of your readers, but reading these beautiful inner thoughts put out with honesty and courage I thank you for sharing them and hope to be a part, a teensy part of your healthy and self-care year 2009. From what I’ve observed so far, you have a LOT of good stuff going out to others and your own self should flourish if you give it only a little of what you offer others. xoxo

beautiful mermaid words…..again…. your year will be starting off on the right Goddess foot… looking forward to ”meeting” you on the 15th lots of glitter Carole xxoo

I sort of borrowed this idea from you, and wrote a small letter to 2008 on my blog.

You are very inspiring. I’ve been reading your blog for a few weeks now, but I believe this is the first time I’ve left a comment. I just wanted to say hi. I can’t wait to see what 2009 brings you, and me. Happy holidays!

i love your mantra and the idea of making a happy dent in the world. me too! thank you for all the lovely words and pictures you have shared this year. my shine rock is still in my bag or my pocket most days.

thank you- I found you because my website is http://www.mermaidcottages.com and am always looking for mermaid “stuff” on line! What a Great, great, great blog!!!!!!

Your blog is incredibly beautiful, and I am so happy I’ve found it. I, too, have been experiencing my own share of melancholy and grief, in a sense, and am hopeful about, and looking forward to, this new year. May you find everything you’ve lost, and then some. May you experience beauty in all its forms (looks like you have already)! And I wish you much happiness and peace.

And I wish the same for me. May we both move forward to wonderful things.

love this…can i copy you and write a dear 2008? this is so freeing…loving you, me

I understand.
Be well.
Make a happy dent.
*hugs*
Sophie

i
shall
be
3 9
on the 9th of may
2 0 0 9
and my years mantra will be as well
*self love*

fa la la la la
to you & yours

ps im going to write a dear 2008 letter too!

[...] Random Feed wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptdearest 2008â€¦. dear 2008, i choose this picture to go with this letter not because it is a great photo-it is out of focus, the lawn has ugly straw covered patches, my face is cut offâ€¦.but none the less, its fitting because i am free and happy. i want to have more moments like this. i want to start feeling like this everyday. * but one step at a time. 2008, i must confess that i have been angry with you. you jam packed the year with lessons, painful lessonsâ€¦and you forced me to go to t [...]

thank you for this truth*full*telling, mccabe…it resonates for me…the bits about grief & hope.
xo,
gem

…at least we are no longer separate…
I thank the universe for that
You are so much more powerful than you give yourself credit for.
Here is to letting the door kick 2008 in the ass on the way out…and to all of the wonderful, joyful, magical, sparkly times that await us in 2009.

Stopped by for a cup of ragged honesty! Thanks for giving my heart permission to vent on 2008 with you in some respects. Cheers to 2009! Blessings,k

thanks for your honesty and your willingness to be so open…this was perfect !
2009 is calling my name…I can’t wait to see what it wants !!!

THIS. MOVED. ME. TO. TEARS.

exactly what I neeeeeeeed to read and will reread.
I wish you a blessed Christmas with smiles and cake and love and peace.
Mine will be filled with that as well.

Loving you from Canada

Samantha M

Happy days to you & yours.

I will be writing a letter to 2008, thank you for the idea.

XOXOXO

Hi McCabe,
MERRY CHRISTMAS…..we are all thinking of you on this special day. We are at Katie’s near Dallas How was your Christmas.

We are all spilt up this year but working on plan for summer vacation. We would like to get your feelings and thoughts

We all wish you the absolute best of everything in 2009.

Love,

Mike

[...] last year’s. No Comments so far Leave a comment RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI Leave a comment Line and paragraph breaks automatic, e-mail address never displayed, HTMLallowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong> [...]

I, too, am a new reader to your blog and have enjoyed your posts immensely. I really appreciated the opportunity for reflection that this form allowed, so I borrowed it for my blog as well. Thanks!

Just last night I stayed up after everyone went to sleep and wrote a letter to 2008 myself. Then today when I was feeling a little like I had found some closure I wandered over here and saw your magical post. I wish you a year of love, light and magic my special mermaid friend. I hope that all you dream of is yours and that it comes to you in its perfect time. I send you Texas sunsets and Oklahoma red dirt for grounding as I know in my heart that 2009 is going to be really big for you. Iâ€™m not sure that you know how much you inspire people or how much of a happy dent you have already left in this world. So fill yourself up and love yourself deeply, honor every single thing about you because if anyone can heal the world with her heart, itâ€™s a mermaid!

i love your letter of sweet goodbye to 2008! And I’m going to be next to you in 2009 loving you as well

<3 Mccabe <3
~Thankyou~ for saying the words for me

thank you.
thank you.
thank you.

wow, i love Francheska’s comment on grief – what an eye opener. i struggle thru dealing with grief every day. sometimes it seems to swallow me whole, but others times it allows me to coast on through a few days before rearing its head again. i’d like to think that was a little bit of HOPE sneaking its way in, even in small increments.

[...] » Blog Archive » VolunteeringWriters Unbound » Blog Archive » Podcast: Interview with Shayn Cutino, The Anja Technique, the Art of Self Love Happiness Project Commandment One: “Be [Yourself]“ | Margin NotesBeth Patterson : 1st BLOG CARNIVAL on Engaged Spirituality The Art of Romantic Text Messages – The Fly Guy ChroniclesSitemap | Dhiya FarisThere Is No Such Thing As Love // equivocalityLove Yourself Just a Little More | Internet Business Blog | Online Business BlogDancingMermaid » dearest 2008…. [...]

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