DancingMermaid » the path

the path

i leave a message
and realize how tired i sound.
drained.
forced.
i am not even fooling myself.

it is a strange ride to find
your dreams upon you,
manifesting into a soft sweetness,
the realest part of you
out in the open
for everyone to see.

but nobody talks as much
about the grit
and the dirt and the fog
that surface with the dream.
the darkness that invites you back in,
because surely you do not deserve such
greatness.

he pulls me out again and again.
he wipes off the mud
and gently listens as the well opens,
salty ocean tears spilling out
all over the magenta covered couch.

i did not expect the lonliness of this path.
i did not think i would stop relating to people
in the same way i had before.

but back then i was covered
in heavy layers,
shoes that were pretty but uncomfortable
and hair long enough to cover my face.

now it is tshirts
paint splattered hands
bare feet
and hair that is short and unruly.

i thought i could change
while everything else stayed the same.
i thought things and people
would someone magically change with me-
but that does not make any sense,
now that i see things more clearly.

he holds the ugliest parts of me
and tells me that now may be the time
to lead alone.
that others will come,
but now is the time to do what i am doing
and trust that i am doing it right.

i write this with great hesitation
not really sure to share this part of myself.
but maybe others feel this way too.

maybe others are finding there is a
certain ache on the way to the dream…

and maybe it does not make it any less beautiful
but stronger…
because you walk anyway.

39 Comments so far
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I think it’s great inspiration actually. And I think people need to talk about this more actually. Because I’ve caught glimpses of the grit and thought surely this can’t be it and left my dream. Because the dream is supposed to be all rainbows and blue skus right? I think if more people talk about the grit, people may realize that just because the dream is gritty, doesn’t mean it’s not work….or worth it.

I’m glad you wrote this.

I love your posts and they are an inspiration to me who struggles to feel I am doing this creativity thing ‘right’. My dreams seem to have a lot of grit stuck to them too.
As for Art Teachers as mentioned previously one of mine said ‘you’ll never make an artist’. this was after I won in my catagory in an artshow the same year. But it always haunts me nevertheless. I therefore do it my own way as thats the only way I know x saw a lot of people doing it their own way today at our local exhibition and a lot of money AND jollity was occuring…

when there’s change, there’s doors that close as others open. bittersweet and necessary. much love. xo

Dear heart,
You are truly an inspiration! The gritty stuff is a part of the whole I believe…and look what a magnificent job you’re doing working through it. I was never allowed to color outside the lines…anything & everything I did had to be “perfect”. rubbish! You not only inspire me but you remind me that it’s ok to be imperfect…you share incredible reminders that I treasure. Everything is as it should be ~ and you are loved immensely.

I have had you in my thoughts all day… I treasure your experiences, good times and tough times, as in the end, you are following your heart. xoxoxoxoxo

others will come!

ok, did you and your man break up? That is part of what I interput and that makes me sad. i live vicariously through you, via the east coast, via your lovely blog. your works and words delight me, your smile, photos, art, they all move me so so much. you are one of a kind and i admire you….i hope your post means that the journey to your dream is a tough one and not that you are now alone….do tell. stay strong. xoxo

sweet mccabe, thank you so much for sharing the grit and the darker side of the dream… you are so strong, stronger that you think. i totally understand where you are coming from… sometimes i feel that it is the curse of the creative soul. the curse of loneliness. the dream is indeed beautiful and liberating, but the shadows are still in the corners… sometimes my heart aches with loneliness, in my studio, living in my head… living with my imagination day in and day out. oh yes, it brings me great joy, but i feel that because of this i also can’t relate to most people. i always feel on the fringe. sure i have friends and loved ones, my mister is very supportive, but it isn’t the same… i long for a community of creative souls supporting each other… all getting excited because we’re all covered in glitter… that’s one of the reasons i started my blog, to share my enthusiasm with other like minded souls. but still, it is lonely. as you mentioned at the end, i think it does make you stronger for not giving up, for dealing with the shadows and continuing to live the dream. don’t give up. tomorrow is another day. sweet mccabe you are strong. i think we are all hesitant to share this side of the dream, since it is ugly and undesirable… however it is the truth. so there, it’s out there for everyone to see. but the dream is still beautiful. and makes you stronger for it.

mccabe….this was beautiful and as I wipe tears from my eyes, I’m wondering if I think I’m feeling the same way and that the tears are from your words giving a voice to the same ache in my heart…..

dear mermaid,
the same lines must’ve been running from west to east. the past few weeks have been hard. What do you do when a dream’s come full circle, and it’s got nowhere left to go? I asked him.
He wrote, you are like the phoenix, reborn out of the ashes, already rising up…

love you, burn bright,moni

I felt in this post the pain of leading the life you are meant to live. I think someone once called it being on the frontier of your own life . . . which, if you’re on the frontier, means there is a loneliness that comes from it, since you’re out front there, and no one can walk it for you. In some ways, sitting in the shadows is comforting because it means being surrounded by everybody else . . . but then you don’t get to shine the way only you were made to shine.

I’m proud of you for shining anyway, for walking the path still, for continuing to step out on the frontier of your own belonging.

Reading this has taken such a weight of my shoulders. i know this feeling, i’m feeling it. i’m now waking up to a live a dream every day and i never thought it would be filled with so many mixed feelings.

‘and maybe it does not make it any less beautiful
but strongerâ€¦
because you walk anyway. ‘

this i’m writing down on a post it and put it on my wall. i needed this reminder.

Thank you for sharing these words. they are so very soothing to me.

love you
xox
your little sis

please keep going.

I like to see the whole picture. That makes it seem more real and true and possible. So, thank you for sharing this!

i feel you. for real feel you. those underbelly.ugly.raw.parts of us. that surface, not to be squelched. but fed love. it’s not easy. but it beats pretending. love to you.

You worked your booty off with those girls this summer and somehow still find time to tend to all of your little bloggy lambs. It is draining to give so much of yourself…even if it is your dream. I wonder when you find time eat or shave your legs for goodness sakes! It is so hard to be “on” all the time. You have earned yourself a break sister. You need some you time to get back to your center. Get back to the down and dirty mermaid. Don’t worry, we are with you.

I feel the same way too. And I see in pictures the tension and exhaustion in my eyes. And things keep changing… that’s the one constant in life, nothing stays the same. And the dreams you had, when they come real and lose their soft focus vaseline lenses, well, those dreams are full of dirt in the corner and snotty noses and hungry bellies and such a long list of things to do and anxieties to release.

So, yeah. Thanks for sharing this scary piece. It helps.

Thank you for this post! I’ve been going through a similar time where I have been following my heart and what I need and it has come with the realization that some things have to be left behind while in time other things (perhaps more appropriate things) will appear in their places. It is very true that it is a lonely and gritty time when following your own path! Thank you again for being a model of strength.

Your bravery shines through your dark moments, mccabe. Thanks for sharing all of your journey with us- even the uncomfortable parts. xoxo

Okay…here’s yet another thank you! I am finding there is most definately an ache on the way to the dream…I am beginning to believe that this is just the way it’s supposed to be.

Thankfully…you have a warm sounding board to help you through.

xoxo

I so needed to find this…
thank you.

A friend just emailed me this post of yours. I love what you wrote here. To be honest though, it scares me a little too.
a.

Thank you for your honesty and the beautiful realness. I want to honor the humanness in all of us on our journeys â€” creative or otherwise. My experience is that the very nature of my journey has meant some contrast (the good and the bad), some piercingly painful insights and some moments of utter aloneness. In such moments, I find reaching out to help. And trusting that this is part of the nature of the journey. Both the walking through the dark woods â€” and the stepping into the light of the clearing.
Hugs to you,
Shannon

I printed this out and have carried it around with me, desperately wanting to find the words to touch you the way that you have me but instead I find only silence. I hope that this is one of those times where there is no need for words because the just get in the way. *sigh*

((((((((((hugs))))))))))

your honesty .. your bravery .. your artistry
your heart .. your soul .. your love
you touch me every day
thank you .. you indeed create joy !!
Mwah !!!!

jeannine~

we did not break up.

mccabe x

and maybe it does not make it any less beautiful
but strongerâ€¦
because you walk anyway.

w o w
mermie
words to live by these are
(and cry by)
you certainly have a magical way~

word.

love you and SO get this.
xoxo

What an amazing post and how deeply it resonates with me. It is difficult for me to share the “dark” things along my journey. People see only the bright things. However what you wrote about is all apart of the journey and all apart of discovering yourself…doing what you love…and figuring all of that out. Thank you for being so open and posting this. It touched my heart.

And just to let you know I am off to SQUAM and in my pocket is one of your magical rocks with the word “wings” on it. It is giving me strength to put myself out there and embark on this adventure.

Thank you for all of your inspiration, openess, honesty, and wonderful photos. I am so glad I found you on this online community.

ah yes the grit there is the grit, i know the grit and it comes in many forms though for me lately, it means tired and worn and not enough time to connect with my bloggy friends as there are only so many hours in the day and most are claimed already.

i think of you though … much love beautiful, we are all in this together somehow i think even though there are times when it feels lonely. xox

that ache is part of my journey…I just believe it to be a blessing, a realization, a reminder that I can FEEL even if it hurts, I can FEEL…thanks for sharing this part of your sweet soul…hugs, Jess

Gorgeous. Thank you Thank you Thank you

Just came back to say that you are so loved!
xo

I so hear you. Thank you for sharing & being the purest you :*)

I have chills. You captured so perfectly what I feel.
j.

don’t you sometimes feel you live on a different planet…with the other communities not really getting ‘it’..but have this yearning to go back…to what life was before you knew what you wanted to do…cause then everything was ‘ok’..the way it was meant to be?

for me this is the grit today…i miss being just one of the community…without being different but great!

the grit comes…and goes…like the ocean…paddling right next to you and loving you through every wave! xx

dear mermaide…
with this post i hold your hand
x

I love the vision of you in tshirt-barefoot paint on hands and shorter-wilder hair.

Darling this journey of finding ourselves and pouring all of our energy into being that can feel so lonely at times.

It is brave and hard at times to keep going. It is easy to feel a bit alone or lost on the path-or at least I think it is. This post brought up some memories and some more recent feelings into the spotlight.

I can comfort myself and offer it to you as well. We don’t know what it will look like around us when we have pedaled hard enough and for long enough that we can raise our heads to take a look.

You are brave, talented and wonderful.

Love you
XOXOXO

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