DancingMermaid

then.

i always thought when i saw him
and was feeling good, like myself again,
that i would be satisfied somehow.
but i felt whole on my own
a long time ago,
and when i see him all i feel is sad.

sad at his saddness-
this heaviness he now wears like a fur coat
in the middle of july.

shoulders rounded with dread,
pointed down towards the ground
rejecting sunshine and palm trees,
aqua skies and falling leaves.

i find myself getting wrapped
up in his thick fog,
blindly taking in the darkness for a moment,
wanting to sprinkle seeds and glitter
on the rotted soil
before stepping back into the sunlight.

he asks about dreams
and i start talking with my hands
like i do when i’m excited.

but he is checking his cell phone
and looking over my shoulder
for someone he seems to be expecting.

i almost forgot about that someone,
the ghostgirl i competed with,
she who made my flaws seem
so bright and obvious
back then, like a casino sign in vegas.

i find myself walking dangerously
close to the edge,
even daring to to look straight
into his eyes-
two empty swimming pools
the color of seafoam.
i have no rope or ladder
so i tell him i need
to get back to my table.

i gently squeeze
his hand as i say goodbye,
and he holds onto it until i walk away.
i really thought that i would
feel empowered when i saw him.

but all i felt was sad.

32 Comments so far
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still waiting to feel empowered or even sad

this is really sad, and yet beautiful. i hope you’re doing well despite the drama that this poem implies.

(((hugs)))

Oh my,can you be more accurate about my own life (Although ‘he’ would be replaced with ‘she’). Always looking and never finding, always seeing but never being… always feeling, feeling, feeling …

Oh where, Oh where is the joy of simply being? Why, must we always be seeking? Can we not just live from the heart? As deep as our sorrow go’s, is as grand as our joy may grow. Sweet sea-sister, may your sadness be transformed into gladness, may your steadfast heart carry you through to he that will be as you… whole and complete and ready to gaze into your eyes… it should come as no surprise! As one door closes another opens…

Please keep writing from your heart as it touches mine in ways that are so totally sublime.

Peace, Love and all things right

I totally get this.

beautiful and poignant x

the writing is beautiful girl, so beautiful!

Wow…the hollow empty man- I knew this guy- married him in fact- got away but still am haunted at times. Beautiful expression, mccabe.

wow, girl.
this poetry blows my mind.
and i so resonate with each word.

beautiful you.

I identify with this in a different way than the other commenters. I think I have been on the other side, “him” who looks past your shoulder for the ghostboy. I am no longer in that place, but I feel sad that I could make someone feel like you so eloquently describe.

your poetry is exquisite. i have been here a lot, just haven’t had a chance to comment as much as i would like, you are in my thoughts, always. much love to you, j, and that sweetie delilah!

xoxo

You should have kicked him the nuts. Talk about empowering.
♥

Beautiful.

Thank you for this weekend’s entry. I am in the process of moving out my matrimonial home and am dealing with an ex-husband who has permanent rounded shoulders of dread.
I just love your blog McCabe, it gives me inspiration on low days….

sweets, i have no words
love you
xo

you got me inspired to write a little poem

http://dreamergirl.typepad.com/dreamer_girl/2008/05/work-in-progress.html

got this…had one of him…glad I left…but still, after several years, I have a lot of questions, mainly WHY questions that I know he couldn’t even answer to this very day…loving you even more today than yesterday, Me

Being a girl is never easy ~
or is it?
we all float along daydreaming~
today is your day to awake~
awake and see~
your life~
your lover~
your sweet smile~
your genuine laugh~
your home~
sweet Delilah~
the waves crashing~
the sun setting outside your door~
good friends~
remember, the past is what got you to today~
now get outside and pick up the green rock and read it allowed!
love & light for your gloomy beach day is being sent to surround you with pink grapefruit lite!
XOXO~Angie

yup. and yup. those times when we don’t value ourselves and give our power away are the killers. but yesterday you were a girl who knew about all the goodness…and tomorrow you will be again! xox*m

love to you
(this is all i can say, lately, but it’s worth it to say)

Wow. I can SO relate McCabe!! It helps me to understand what I am feeling. Thank you!

what beautiful writing.

Beautifully said! I understand ~
xo

I’ve been reading here for a while now, and this is one of my favorite poems/posts. Nicely written.

love this one~the emotion it emits is palpable and real and raw. i think we’ve all been there, and you captured it perfectly, thank you!

This poem makes my heart sad for you. I hope that you are well. I still love my rocks and my sign that you sent. I hope that the sun is shinning where you are. I can send you more butterflies if need bE!

This is haunting…I’m sending my love to you…and hoping you are happily snuggling that sweet kitty of yours!
xox

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