randomness...

this is what has been spinning
around in my brain lately:
*
i am missing the magical energy in santa rosa.
there was this serene quietness i felt so deeply…
the sound of my soul without all the clutter.
it was nice.
*
i am pondering connection…
finally giving into my need for solitude
and yet missing the parts that don’t fit
with my transition anymore.
its an odd sort of grief.
protecting and rejecting.
connecting and disconnecting.
push and pull.
back and forth.
*
i am honoring myself first-
which is lovely and empowering
but also awkward and lonely.
some days i am soaring and strong,
and other days i just want to hide
under the covers.
*
i am remembering a conversation
i had with a dear friend many moons ago:

we both had this thirst
for spiritual connection
and craved it on a daily basis.
he is a musician, and said that his fans
would hang out after shows
and shoot the shit with him.
he is one of those rare souls who is
more interested in listening than talking.

all these stories from strangers
were like gold to him.

“those brief connections are enough…”
he said.
*
i am starting to see the truth in this more
and more.
*
these tiny interactions and connections
can fill me up for days~
*
the lady at the flower shop who refuses
to let me pay full price ever since i fetched
her some advil on a day she could not leave.
*
the woman at the 711 who gave me
a shell charm from mexico
because i had complimented
her shell necklace once.
*
the little notes the girls give me that spell out
my name in purple glitter.
*
the gruff man at the post office
who softened a bit when i showed
him one of my rocks one day.
*
those brief moments when my kitty climbs
on my lap to snuggle…
reminding me that even the toughest
of the tough need some love now and again.
*
i am also-
*
looking for answers.
*
wondering what to do with the empty
spaces in my heart.
*
creating new art and love.
*
experimenting with different mediums.
*
learning the business side of being an artist.
*
forgiving myself for not doing it perfect
at the beginning.
*
living in full color.
*
seeking places and people
that are mindful and inspiring.
*
overflowing with gratitude
for this sweet man of mine.
*
dreaming of a baby blue typewriter
that i saw in a coffeehouse once 3 years ago.
*
thats all i got today folks.
until inspiration strikes again..
i am wishing each of you beautiful moments where you stop
and say,
“this is enough.”

peace out….

16 Comments so far

peace sweetie, you randomness is quite beautiful, inspiring even xox

your words – straight from your heart…is always inspiring…always more than enough…you lift me up with your thoughts…and your greatfulness! xx

you always inspire me and speak words that have been sneaking into my heart and brain.

i too am trying to find my artist boots, what they mean and when will i wear them.

knowing that i’m not alone on this journey, fills me with peace.

sending you love. xo

The small human connections that we each make with each other is what makes our world go around. I think it is important for us to connect with strangers. It makes us feel alive, and reminds us of what is important in this life, and that is each other.

Thank you for your inspiration and heartfelt words.

i LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOve you, mccabey

( that had a hug in it )

Again, you speak for me. I took a vacation to San Jose on Christmas and I felt so relaxed and at home there, having never been there before. Something about it was just spirited, and not just holiday spirit. You know we see the same when it comes to you feelings about tough girls need love too, I am with you. I am there, I am breaking down my walls and letting those who want to love me in and not hurt them on the way.

When I am looking for the solitude I know I need it and want it but then realize that I am alone, however not truly alone in spirit, just alone in body. It’s a little scarry but you can accomplish what you need by just doing it.

You’re strong McCabe and you’ve strengthen me with your words. Thank you, for all the email chats and insight.

breathe. release. live.

Love,
char

love you.

My typewriter is white. It’s enough. Watch how quickly your t/w shows up now that you put it out in the universe.

im too migrainey to read now
[promise i will later]
but had to tell you
youre soooooo0O0000 beautiful
so so s0 sooooooo
you look like a wildflower in that field
and that h a t!
i need one exactly like it
would you share where you found it?!

love you
xxoo

i just love this post! these random things, such beauty lies within them.

much love to you
xo

“Protecting and rejecting.
Connecting and disconnecting.
Push and pull.
Back and forth.”

Oh, how I understand that dynamic. I do that in SO MANY areas of my life! Goodness. It can really get exhausting and confusing at times, huh? But I guess it’s a very necessary part of growth, especially when it comes from what your heart NEEDS and not from an unhealthy place. I am always seeking discernment inside about that. Not sure if that makes sense, but it does to me. And that’s how your post spoke to my little mind. That you are listening to yourself, understanding more where your personal peace resides.

Well, sweet girl… sending you love and wonderful vibes and imaginary hugs.

there is a wholeness in your words.
raw and yet tender, delicate and also powerful, alive alive alive.
love to you today.

your words are like coming home and hanging with your bff…loving you mccabe…jess

it’s good to recall all these wonderful random moments when all the questions come flooding in. i know this all too well.. love you sweets.
xoxo

this post made me smile. I’m walking a similiar path… And it’s nice, not the dumb nice… but real nice, to know I am not alone. x

Your randomness post is just what I needed to hear today … it brought a smile to my face in reading how your kindness has been payed forward by others in your direct community.

I’m home with horrible neuropathy and sciatica today and am staying home tomorrow as well. With gentle nurturing in mind — I send you much peace, pink energy and love — my dearest mermie-love.. I sure miss you.

(((((((((Gentle Hugs))))))))))))))

With Love,
Woodspryte oxoxo

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