you know, i am discovering more and more that one of the biggest gifts you can receive is to be painfully humbled. i can’t believe i just admitted that because when it is happening i am the first to blame the world, the church, and my unfortunate head of hair for all the unfavorable shenanigans i get myself into.
by the way, when i say humbled, i mean HUMBLED. i mean don’t have a job for more than 4 months and go through a self destructive phase while choosing not to do art, write, or anything else that could possibly get you in a better place. i mean push good people away and decide to only date emotionally unavailable people. i mean go on an all carb diet then compare your body to women who work out 3 hours a day.
everyone has been there and the hardest part is admitting that not only did you get yourself in there- but you refuse to get yourself out. that is until you just have had ENOUGH. you are DONE.
and minutes later, you find yourself smiling at a tiny yellow daisy growing in a sidewalk crack. a flower that has no reason to thrive, and yet blooms anyway.
a good friend told me the other day that her yoga teacher said the only way to true enlightenment is letting go of all blame and being humbled.
it is simple,
and it is hard as HELL.
but there will be a day, a nothing special kind of day-where you are struck with a kaleidscope of random goodness, and a swell of happy will surprise you.
it will be a different kind of happy than a flirty text or finally fitting back
into your skinny jeans.
it will be a happy that contains demons and muck,
blood and sweat.
shame and destruction.
a happy that you walked through fire
and in that burst of happy you see all the love that surrouds you and the peeps who have stood by you thick and thin, even when you were being a total asshole. and you will start to get that maybe you deserve this goodness. you will begin taking steps to stop sabataging.
you who is lingering in the blackest of black holes,
feeling dark and dank.
you who cannot remember
and want to punch peppy people in the face….
i am routing for you.
i am carrying a yellow daisy
with your name on it.